Not too long ago we as a nation began to speak about end of life care. I say “began” because as soon as the phrase “end of life care” was uttered, many immediately drew horrifying images of death panels to terrify the nation away from even considering the discussion. And I despair…Is that where we are as a nation? Are we so steeped in fear of this inevitable transition that we cannot even contemplate how we might want it to be? If we cannot even talk about end of life care…how can we reclaim death from the shadows? How can we bring sacredness and the opportunity for transformation to this important transition?
Considering end of life care is not about “killing grandma” or telling people to “die quickly.” It is about re-thinking our insistence on certain procedures and protocols in certain situations that amount to no more than, as one highly experienced and compassionate palliative care nurse I worked with called, “legalized torture” while straining the medical care system to the breaking point. We are concerned about water-boarding prisoners of war, yet we think nothing of inflicting untold suffering upon our loved ones during the final weeks and days of their lives in order to have more time with them. More…not better. Where does quality of life come in? Or dignity? Often the one dying is kept alive through extraordinary means to give the family time to come to grips with the undeniable fact that their loved one is dying. Grandma or dad or wife is kept artificially alive, often in extreme pain, while the family acts out their particular dramas. Why is this? Usually because we, as a culture, choose to pretend that death is an option.
Just recently I saw a program on the Science Discovery channel suggesting that very thing; that science is advancing to a point where death may be optional. Okay…that is outrageous on so many levels it boggles my mind.
While in truth there is no real death, that in truth, our spirits are eternal, there is and always will be a physical death. I’m going to go way out on a limb here and state that there is a reason for physical death. We need this transition for our spiritual growth. We need to face death, to try to understand it to the best of our ability and to transcend our fear of death because one who does not fear death is truly free. Truly free.
A truly free person is a dangerous person. How can you control someone who is truly free? How can you control someone who has transcended the greatest fear we have, the fear of death itself? And how can we ever get to that point of transcendence if we can’t even hold a discussion on end of life issues?